Ah, my prize subscription runs out in 4 days! Waah! I had been hoping I'd find a way to renew it before it ran out. It sucketh being in debt and blacklisted by every bank and credit card company out there. At least I can console myself with the knowledge that my bad standing is due to good deeds!
When I look at how busy I've been, and how little use I made of the extra features that come with a subscription, I'm probably better off with a basic account for now. It sort of goes with not having a life or any prospects. Laugh, dammit! ... sorry, it's a bit too real to be a joke, but I have to tell it with a laugh or I might just scream.
I'll be honest (run screaming now if you don't like to hear me bitch and whine), the question I asked above is as much about my life as it is about my subscription. I'll spare you the transgender angst, 'cuz it's pretty much the same story you can find on any trans site. I'll just sum up and say that having a problem for which there is no real solution severely undermines one's capacity to deal with other problems in life, and often plays a big part in creating those problems. I don't have to worry about being suicidal anymore... my problem is that I want to live so bad I can't bear this twisted and compromised life that keeps getting in the way of it. Seriously, the last thing I want is to die! I haven't gotten to live yet!
Sadly, things really are not getting better. They continue to unravel about as fast as I can pull things together, and that just gets exhausting. I used to have major nervous breakdowns because of it, but I've gotten stronger and more stubborn. I am here today pretty much on sheer willpower. That's pretty impresive considering how much I despise being the person I appear to be on a day to day basis. I get by because I choose to see the good in life (even if I don't get to partake of any of it) and because I care about people even when they disappoint me or hurt me. It doesn't hurt that I am painfully conscious of the fact that I can not afford to break down. I'm pretty much on my own in the world. If I stumble, I won't be able to get back up on my own. If I stop swimming, I drown.
I know you can't do anything, so it's kind of selfish of me to post a journal like this. At the same time, I needed to say this. However little you know me, you probably know me better than anyone I've ever known in real life. Kind of pathetic. I know. That can't be helped though. I know most of you would tell me that life is worth holding on to no matter what happens. I agree. I would not be here if I thought otherwise for more than a moment. I wish there was someone out there who had far more than they needed and thought I was worth investing in. I've never asked for a free ride but I would like to be able to work on something from the heart, to create with what life I have, rather than waste most of my miserable existence scrapping together barely enough money to survive day to day. If I was living for myself, I would not complain about the cost of living or the demands of success, but honestly, I have no idea what I am doing here. On the other hand, if spiritual growth is the purpose of physical existence, than I am the most fortunate person I have ever known.
Is it worth holding on to?
Journal Entry: Mon Mar 5, 2007, 2:54 AM
Featured Art
Flutter by ~verdant
Unseen Phenomenon by =19-10
Collaboration with the incredibly awesome *environaut
Eloine the Blood heiress by *VyrL
Eloine by *VyrL
The Dress by *rbenson
Flutter by ~verdant
Unseen Phenomenon by =19-10
Collaboration with the incredibly awesome *environaut
Eloine the Blood heiress by *VyrL
Eloine by *VyrL
The Dress by *rbenson
OMG! They love me, they really love me!!!
A special thanks to *environaut for awarding me a three month subscription for winning his Postworking Contest! It was a fun and educational experience for me! And of course I am still grateful to ~Smil and ~Nikoletina for buying me a one month subscription for my birthday last year! Things like that make me soooo happy!
- Mood:
Miserable - Reading: Migration by Julie E. Czerneda
- Playing: with CSS
- Eating: Frozen dinner
- Drinking: Fanta Orange
Trying out some CSS
Journal Entry: Fri Jan 12, 2007, 3:23 AM
Life has been demanding of my time lately, so I have not had a chance to tinker around with any custom journal designs to try and turn into CSS. It seems kind of a waste to not have some kind of CSS for my journal while I have the privilege of being able to use it, so I opted to use this free CSS style as a temporary measure.
A comment on Abstract Evolution
One of my most recent experiments involved updating an older image using some of the new techniques I've learned in the past year. You can see the results below:
Carved Stone - 1997
Abstract Evolution - 2007
One of my most recent experiments involved updating an older image using some of the new techniques I've learned in the past year. You can see the results below:
Carved Stone - 1997
Abstract Evolution - 2007
OMG! They love me, they really love me!!!
A special thanks to *environaut for awarding me a three month subscription for winning his Postworking Contest! It was a fun and educational experience for me! And of course I am still grateful to ~Smil and ~Nikoletina for buying me a one month subscription for my birthday last year! Things like that make me soooo happy!
- Mood:
Optimism - Listening to: the voices in my head
- Reading: Survival by Julie E. Czerneda
- Playing: with CSS
- Drinking: a glass of Coke, of course!
Happy New Year!
Journal Entry: Tue Jan 2, 2007, 4:35 PM
Alexandrea Virginia Morgan 
The Creative Process
January 2, 2007
Well, here we are at the start of a new year! That means I'm back in school and working hard as ever, but hopefully I'll still be able to keep up with my art too! For the near future, I am going to be going thru some of my space art and updating pictures with what I've been learning and creating wallpapers and print versions of the ones that turn out well.
I am also going to be trying to come up with some new, interesting work to post over at Art is Murder as well as a bit of fan art to post on my fanfiction archive site at rakhal.com. For those of you who follow my fanfiction series, Reflections, I am going to be trying to resume work on it this month, time allowing!
At present, I have not been able to think of a design for my journal here, using CSS. I hope to come up with something before my subscription runs out. I had an idea for something that incorporated a bit of space terragen with an original character or something mixed in. Suggestions and designs are welcome if anyone has any!
On Another Note...
For the time being, this will be a sort of standing mission statement slash bold faced begging for tidbits segment. I really, really am set on getting a subscription and print account for my dA account here, but thanks to a friend wiping out my bank accounts and leaving me with several thousands of dollars debt, I don't have/can't get a credit card or bank account (with cc imprint). So, my chances of getting that started any time soon is really dependant on kind souls who are inclined to give subscriptions as gifts and prizes. Obviously, it's pretty tacky to ask for such generosity... at the same time, if I didn't mention it, no one would know what a difference it would make in my life. I'm certainly not the best artist here on dA, but I am determined to find a way to make a living creating art, because it is what I am best at, and what I love doing the most.
The thing I want to make absolutely clear is, I want to pay for these things. I would be happy to pay and I have every intention of rewarding anyone who helps me suceed in my dream of becoming a professional artist. I'm dying to sell some art, eager to be approached with offers to collaborate or do art on consignment! When it comes to art, one thing I am not, can not be, is lazy! There isn't enough time in the day to do all the artwork I want to do! I just don't have enough time or money to get over the reef.
The main reason I am here at dA is to get over that reef, to sail out into the open where I can truly grow and evolve as an artist. So, on this day, I make my resolution to accomplish that this year, and with fair winds and favorable currents, I am certain I will. If you doubt me, look at my gallery, see how far I've come in six months.
And, Baby, I haven't even hit my stride yet!
Friends and Familiars
A Place of Honor
Please go and give these guys a hug for me!
OMG! They love me, they really love me!!!
A special thanks to *environaut for awarding me a three month subscription for winning his Postworking Contest! It was a fun and educational experience for me! And of course I am still grateful to ~Smil and ~Nikoletina for buying me a one month subscription for my birthday last year! Things like that make me soooo happy!
- Mood: Optimism
- Listening to: the seconds ticking by...
- Reading: Doppleganger and Warrior & Witch by Marie Bren
- Watching: An Evening with Kevin Smith 2: Evening Harder
- Drinking: a glass of Coke, of course!
So Busy...
Journal Entry: Wed Sep 13, 2006, 7:24 PMThe last few months have been really busy for me and I'm still trying to catch up. I've caught up on responding to comments, but I'm still behind on everyone else's deviations. So, if you haven't had a comment from me in a little while, don't worry! I haven't forgotten you and I'm not ignoring you. As I can find time, I will go through my deviation notices and try to give my usual level of response. I figure a hundred or so isn't too much to try to catch up with!
I just finished updating a chapter of my fanfiction, Reflections, and revising the archive site. Thanks to the embedding feature here at dA, I've put up a few of my better pics in the Art section.
I have recently been accepted into Art is Murder, so once I've gotten the account set up and figured things out, I will be putting up links to the site here as a permanent part of my journal.
I am also in the middle of trying to return to school via the University of Phoenix. I will know in the next week or so what sort of financial aid I'll be able to get and start my orientation classes. It's kind of neat that they have you start with "going back to college" type classes to help you resurrect your study practices. So, finally, I'll be able to resume working toward a degree!
I will have my entry for =environaut's postworking contest up by the deadline and I'll be kicking around ideas to collaborate with *CrAzYmOnKeY on something new after that. A couple of other people have talked to me about doing a collab, but I haven't heard anything new from any of them. (Hint: If I'm talking about you, I'm still interested, so note me!)
That catches me up for now. The usual stuff follows...
On Another Note...
For the time being, this will be a sort of standing mission statement slash bold faced begging for tidbits segment. I really, really am set on getting a subscription and print account for my dA account here, but thanks to a friend wiping out my bank accounts and leaving me with several thousands of dollars debt, I don't have/can't get a credit card or bank account (with cc imprint). So, my chances of getting that started any time soon is really dependant on kind souls who are inclined to give subscriptions as gifts and prizes. Obviously, it's pretty tacky to ask for such generosity... at the same time, if I didn't mention it, no one would know what a difference it would make in my life. I'm certainly not the best artist here on dA, but I am determined to find a way to make a living creating art, because it is what I am best at, and what I love doing the most.
The thing I want to make absolutely clear is, I want to pay for these things. I would be happy to pay and I have every intention of rewarding anyone who helps me suceed in my dream of becoming a professional artist. I'm dying to sell some art, eager to be approached with offers to collaborate or do art on consignment! When it comes to art, one thing I am not, can not be, is lazy! There isn't enough time in the day to do all the artwork I want to do! I just don't have enough time or money to get over the reef.
The main reason I am here at dA is to get over that reef, to sail out into the open where I can truly grow and evolve as an artist. So, on this day, I make my resolution to accomplish that this year, and with fair winds and favorable currents, I am certain I will. If you doubt me, look at my gallery, see how far I've come in six months.
And, Baby, I haven't even hit my stride yet!
Friends and Familiars
A Place of Honor
Please go and give these guys a hug for me!
It Was Fun While It Lasted!
Journal Entry: Wed Aug 2, 2006, 8:13 PMOnce again I'd like to thank Smil and Nikoletina for the birthday present. Sadly, I'm still broke, so I wasn't able to keep it going. I wish I could say otherwise but I'm still working for starvation wages. So, I'll keep working on my art and hope I can come up with a decent portfolio, keeping an eye and ear out for any opportunities I can find online.
I'm considering putting up some of my old writing here to see if any of it generates interest. I don't really know much about the literary community here on DA, so I'll be happy to hear from anyone who has anything to say about that. Fanfiction and Fanart will be posted elsewhere in keeping with the policies at DA...
Ah, well. That'll serve for a quick update. It's starting to look like I'll have to win one of these contests (or two) if I want to have a subscription and print account any time soon! Heee... assuming I have enough free time for entries!!!
On Another Note:
For the time being, this will be a sort of standing mission statement slash bold faced begging for tidbits segment. I really, really am set on getting a subscription and print account for my DA account here, but thanks to a friend wiping out my bank accounts and leaving me with several thousands of dollars debt, I don't have/can't get a credit card or bank account (with cc imprint). So, my chances of getting that started any time soon is really dependant on kind souls who are inclined to give subscriptions as gifts and prizes. Obviously, it's pretty tacky to ask for such generosity... at the same time, if I didn't mention it, no one would know what a difference it would make in my life. I'm certainly not the best artist here on DA, but I am determined to find a way to make a living creating art, because it is what I am best at, and what I love doing the most.
The thing I want to make absolutely clear is, I want to pay for these things. I would be happy to pay and I have every intention of rewarding anyone who helps me suceed in my dream of becoming a professional artist. I'm dying to sell some art, eager to be approached with offers to collaborate or do art on consignment! When it comes to art, one thing I am not, can not be, is lazy! There isn't enough time in the day to do all the artwork I want to do! I just don't have enough time or money to get over the reef.
The main reason I am here at DA is to get over that reef, to sail out into the open where I can truly grow and evolve as an artist. So, on this day, I make my resolution to accomplish that this year, and with fair winds and favorable currents, I am certain I will. If you doubt me, look at my gallery, see how far I've come in six months.
And, Baby, I haven't even hit my stride yet!
Friends and Familiars
A Place of Honor
Please go and give these guys a hug for me!
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